You Are Not Ready For The Ridiculousness Of Steel Panther's "Lower The Bar"

There are some people who live and love glam rock in all its hair metal glory. Others like to make fun of it. If you've heard of Steel Panther before, chances are you're a little bit of both. They're a comedy metal act specializing in glam rock tones, but one thing's for certain: you are not ready for the ridiculousness of their new album Lower The Bar.

One thing you cannot do when listening to this album is to take it seriously. Really. If you're expecting glam metal glory for an album that has a lead single titled 'Poontang Boomerang,' you may be gravely disappointed. For what it's worth, within the overblown sexual themes, this song does have quite a bit of energy. The same is true for intro track 'Goin' In The Backdoor,' kicking the record off with big riffs before ending on the truly depth-defying spoken-word segment "Hey baby, you mind if I dip my nuts in your chocolate?"

Realistically, this album could make for a pretty good glam rock album, if you take away the lyrics. They are clearly good musicians, evident in their playing. The only thing stopping this are the lyrics. Listen to 'Walk Of Shame,' the epic guitar driven track leading into a bluesy, groovy bridge. Then you hear the lyrics "Well many moons pass / Your tits grow long / But your pussy don't stop craving the dong" and you realize the potential for something great turned into something truly... unique. At least you'll never forget it.

As far as criticisms go, that's it. There are many moments on this record that need a chance to shine, though. 'Anything' has some 80s synths going on in it, as well a pretty hilarious story. And don't get me started on 'That's When You Came In.' I never thought in my life I would have the privilege of listening to an acoustic ballad about getting a blowjob. This is 2017. This is the future.

Realistically, Lower The Bar is a terrible album. But goddamn will it make you laugh. Don't take this seriously and you'll have a good time. Musically it's not something anyone's likely to return to any time soon, but it'll be great for a laugh if you ever need one.

Favorite Tracks: Poontang Boomerang, I Got What You Want

Least Favorite Tracks: That's When You Came In, Anything Goes Out

Rating: 45 / 100

Buy or listen to Lower The Bar here: